Romantic love is all around us. We see it in the elderly couple holding hands across the street. We see it on our daily hours-long doom-scroll through Instagram. And we see it in essentially every piece of art that’s ever existed: books, music, movies, magazines, paintings, sculptures. The list goes on.
The existence of love is quite clear. What hasn’t always been clear, however, is what makes that love — that deep, intimate connection between two people — a healthy one.
Which skills help us to grow closer to our partners in healthy ways? And how can we better integrate these skills into our own relationships? These are the questions I want to dig into with the following healthy relationship statistics.
1. About 64% of Americans in Relationships Say They’re Happy
We’re living in a post-pandemic world, and things seem to be getting crazier every day. It’d be reasonable to assume that the average American’s faith in love has suffered, too, right? Apparently not.
According to “The Happiness Index”, a national survey conducted by eharmony and Harris Interactive, 64% of respondents report that they are “very happy” in their current romantic relationships.1 What’s more, 50% of those respondents claim to be just as happy with their sex lives.
This phenomenon surprises me, but my theory is this: In the midst of struggle and strife, people simply want something to feel hopeful about.
Something to bring them joy. Something to keep them standing strong when the ground feels like it’s crumbling beneath them. And what better remedy than a dose of the good stuff (a little l-o-v-e) to do just that?
2. Three Out of Four Couples Who Report Effective Communication Feel More Emotionally Connected
You’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a million times: Communication is key. But what exactly does good communication entail?
According to a study conducted by behavioral scientists at Berkeley College, it entails, among other things, participating in responsive listening.2 This type of listening involves engaging in certain verbal and non-verbal behaviors such as nodding your head, angling your body toward the speaker, or verbalizing words like “Hmm” or “I see” intermittently.
These efforts are meant not only to reassure the speaker that you’re invested in the conversation but also to create a safe space for them to continue.
“One of the fundamentals in a relationship is collaborative dialogue, which is dependent on listening with your good ear” — Dr. Susan Heitler, clinical psychologist
Based on the results of the study, it works. 78% of participants who claimed to practice responsive listening in their relationships reported feeling more emotionally connected to their romantic partner or spouse.
Findings by clinical psychologist and Harvard graduate Dr. Susan Heitler offer similar insights.
Based on her research and decades of experience running a marriage coaching program, successful relationships are those with open and honest communication, collaboration, and responsive listening.
3. Regular Date Nights Mean Great Marriage Satisfaction for 83% of Couples
Adulting is hard. We’ve got bills to pay, appointments to make, and (for some of us) tiny humans to raise.
Living under the weight of all of these responsibilities can make it pretty appealing to kick off your shoes, throw on some Netflix, and call it a night once Friday comes around. But if you’re hoping to keep the flame of your romantic love burning for years and years to come, you may want to reconsider.
According to a study conducted by the National Marriage Project, 83% of heterosexual couples3 who go on regular date nights report higher marriage satisfaction.
Date nights, which can range from outdoor picnics to art gallery visits to fancy cocktails at the newest rooftop bar, serve as a playground for exploring emotional connection and intimacy — both of which are vital factors in the longevity of a romantic relationship.
If you’re looking to start incorporating date nights into your regular schedule, remember this: It doesn’t necessarily matter if the date costs $30 or $300. What matters is that you’re setting the intention to spend quality time together and water the seeds of your beautiful connection.
4. Happy Marriages Can Decrease One’s Perception of Pain
Love conquers all — including, apparently, our perceptions of pain and suffering.
In a research study – cleverly titled “What’s Love Got To Do With It?”4 – two psychologists from Harvard and Bryn Mawr College explored the connection between marital satisfaction and perceived levels of health in older adults. And they found a statistically significant link.
Individual respondents who, on a given day, reported higher levels of satisfaction in their marriage also reported fewer complaints of physical and emotional pain on that same day.
Of course, correlation does not necessarily equate to causation (shout out to the scientific method), so it’s not clear what exactly creates this link. Still, the conductors of the study suggest “…a less satisfying marriage leaves one more vulnerable to the negative daily impact of health problems.”
5. About 40% of Young Singles Refuse to Settle
”Wait. Isn’t this supposed to be an article about healthy relationships? Why are we talking about being single?” Just bear with me. I promise it’ll all make sense in a second.
In 2018, love experts from Tinder, a massively successful dating app owned by Match Group, conducted a survey on 1,036 young adults with the intention of understanding the opinions on singledom from the perspectives of different generations.
One of the most interesting findings was that 40% of respondents agreed to the following statement: “I won’t settle for the wrong person, but I’m open to meeting a long-term potential partner.” 5
Young singles, it seems, are becoming attuned to the freedom and flexibility of an independent life, but haven’t lost hope when it comes to finding love. Eventually, anyway.
For millennials and Gen Zers who are currently single, this is great news! Why? Because it increases your chances of coming across a young person who is in the dating game for more definitive reasons.
These daters have experienced the benefits of single life, yet are open to a committed relationship with the right person. They know what they want, and they won’t settle for less. This means that if they choose to commit to you, you must be pretty great!
6. Relationship Satisfaction Increases When Couples Demonstrate Appreciation
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that love is the only ingredient in a happy relationship. If two people love each other, they’ll make it work, right? Not necessarily. In fact, the current divorce rate6 in the United States points to the contrary.
What makes relationships happy and successful? According to recent research, the expression of gratitude and appreciation is one significant answer.7
Results from a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that participants who felt consistently and genuinely appreciated by their partners demonstrated more appreciation for their partners in return.
Not only did these partners express more relationship satisfaction overall, but they also reported feeling more committed to staying in these relationships long term.
This is likely because expressions of gratitude create a safe space for healthier dialogue, healthier listening practices, and healthier partnerships overall.
7. “Turning Toward” Is the #1 Predictor of Lasting Relationships
“Turning toward,” according to Love Lab Founders Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, is “acknowledging and engaging with your partner’s attempt to connect.”
These attempts to connect — also referred to as “bids” — can range from trying to show your partner a funny video on Instagram to flashing them a sweet smile from across the table at a group dinner. These attempts may seem small, but responding to them can have powerful implications.
In fact, after decades of research into the nature of love and relationships, the Gottmans have found this simple yet profound act to be the number one predictor of successful relationships.8
Efforts to engage — and a partner’s responses to them — serve as the building blocks to connection, ones that go on to form the foundation of a strong, healthy, and long-lasting relationship.
8. Nearly 60% of Long-Distance Relationships Last
I don’t know about you, but I feel like long-distance relationships get a bad rap. Many people specifically avoid them, and even more make social media videos complaining about them (or is that just my feed?). But, it turns out, they’re a lot more successful than we may have predicted.
Based on the results of new research, approximately 58% of long-distance relationships last.9 What’s more, couples in these relationships report feeling higher levels of intimacy than those living in closer proximity.
This comes down to the age-old adage: “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.”
In other words, people in long-distance relationships know that quality time with their partners is limited, so they try to make the most of their short visits as best they can.
9. Baby Boomers Often Rank Their Relationship as Healthy
How we view our relationships is a vital component of how we view and approach the world around us. Apparently, it can be argued that baby boomers are doing the best out of all of us.
According to a recent Innerbody survey of 686 people from various backgrounds in the United States, baby boomers gave themselves an average score of 8.404 when asked to rank their relationship on a scale from 1 (very toxic) to 10 (very healthy).10
The other generations surveyed didn’t fall too far behind (Gen Xers with 8.041, millennials with 8.282, and Gen Zers with 7.974), but the question still remains: What’s making baby boomers come out on top? Could it be less frequent or zero usage of social media? Could it be more traditional values?
But it is important to note that these are self-rankings, and how individuals define healthy relationships and toxic relationships can change from one generation to another.
10. Men Are More Likely to Feel Their Relationship Is Healthy
The same Innerbody survey churned out another interesting result. When comparing the gender differences between the correspondents’ rankings of perceived relationship health, men came out on top.
These men felt more equal to their partners, reported receiving more affection from their partners, and experienced more feelings of individuality within their relationships than did women.
Researchers at Innerbody note that this may come down to differences in experience more than anything else.
“It’s likely men genuinely experience healthier relationships with their partners than women do,” they said. “It’s also likely that these relationships are unevenly weighted, where men think their relationships are healthier than they actually are.”
Because this survey did not collect enough responses from those in homosexual relationships, these results cannot speak for those in the LGBTQ+ community.
11. Couples in Healthy Relationships Are 50% More Likely to Live Longer
If you weren’t motivated to put in the work to build healthy relationships before, you certainly will be now.11
According to research on the link between mortality risk and relationship dynamics, individuals in happy and healthy relationships (both romantic and platonic) are 50% more likely to live longer than individuals who aren’t.12
In fact, the impact of such social relationships is so significant that they’re even comparable to other, more commonly accepted predictors of death, such as smoking and alcohol consumption.
12. Over Two Thirds of People Want More Information on How to Navigate Conflict
Most people don’t enjoy arguing (if you do, that might be its own problem). Confrontation can be awkward at best, and at worst, it can leave you and your partner feeling hurt and disconnected.
Worse yet, we never really learn the right way to fight or discuss tricky topics. We usually base our style of fighting on one or both of our parents. If you grew up in a house where screaming was the norm, chances are, you’re either hostile while arguing or completely conflict-averse.
The key to fixing a problem, however, is knowing you have one, which is why it’s reassuring that 71% of adults said they wanted more information on how to discuss conflict and big topics in their relationships.13
Poor communication is the root of resentment, but we can always improve our abilities to communicate kindly and effectively.
13. Hypertension? Good Marriages Can Lower Blood Pressure
We’ve already shown that happy relationships generally help us live longer, but they’ve also been shown to have specific positive effects on health. One study of 204 married and 99 single individuals found that being in a happy marriage was correlated with lower blood pressure and better mental health.14
With heart disease being the leading cause of death worldwide and blood pressure being a key risk factor, having a happy marriage is a great way to lower your risk of premature death.15
Being in a happy marriage is correlated with a lower risk of high blood pressure.
Crucially, the link between lower blood pressure and marriage did not apply to those who were in unhappy marriages. While singles had higher blood pressure than happily married respondents, their blood pressure was lower than unhappily married ones.
14. Marriages Most Likely to Last Between Ages 25 and 32
If you met your partner young, you’ve probably been told a million times how much less likely your relationship is to last than couples who meet later. But I’m here to tell you that the increased risk of divorce isn’t just a factor for young couples; it’s a risk for couples who marry older, too.
Studies have found that the likelihood of divorce dramatically decreases for couples who wait until age 25 to marry. But it doesn’t keep shrinking. Once couples hit age 32, the chances of divorce begin to increase again.16
This isn’t to say that young love is always doomed, or that anyone unmarried after 32 should try to find love. Far from it. Love can last at any age, and it’s always important to do the work necessary to make your relationship or marriage last.
Studies Show That Healthy Relationships Are Within Reach
Healthy relationship statistics can provide a guideline for singles and couples looking to live their best life with their best partner.
We’ve seen in these numbers evidence that strong relationships can improve a person’s quality of life. What does this mean for science? It likely means that social and romantic relationships need to be given a lot more consideration when it comes to matters of physical and mental health.
What does this mean for me? That I should start preemptively looking into couples therapy.
- https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/64-percent-of-americans-say-theyre-happy-in-their-relationships-300595502.html ↩︎
- https://bpl.studentorg.berkeley.edu/docs/59-Responsive%20listening99.pdf ↩︎
- https://nationalmarriageproject.org/ ↩︎
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2896234/ ↩︎
- https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/10/08/millennials-tinder-survey-single-life-dating-relationships/1535860002/ ↩︎
- https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/ ↩︎
- https://sites.lsa.umich.edu/whirl/wp-content/uploads/sites/792/2020/08/2012-To-have-and-to-hold.pdf ↩︎
- https://www.cnbc.com/2022/11/11/the-no-relationship-hack-according-to-psychologists-who-have-been-married-for-35-years.html ↩︎
- https://nypost.com/2018/10/31/long-distance-relationships-are-more-successful-than-you-think/ ↩︎
- https://www.innerbody.com/healthy-relationships-survey ↩︎
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-heart-healing/202208/6-keys-truly-healthy-intimate-relationships ↩︎
- https://journals.plos.org/plosmedicine/article?id=10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316 ↩︎
- https://www.withours.com/blog/relationship-statistics ↩︎
- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18347896/ ↩︎
- https://www.cdc.gov/heart-disease/data-research/facts-stats/index.html ↩︎
- https://ifstudies.org/blog/want-to-avoid-divorce-wait-to-get-married-but-not-too-long ↩︎
